


Different Ways of Saying I Love You

by LynyrdSkynyrd



Series: Learning To Love [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M, One Shot, post Necesito que confiar en alguien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4522422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynyrdSkynyrd/pseuds/LynyrdSkynyrd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cris sits on the floor, next to Leo's side and.. he just sits there, doing nothing in particular. He thinks though. He thinks a lot. And then he realizes no matter what happens, there's nowhere, no place he'd rather be. Sitting on the uncomfortable floor of his bedroom, next to Leo's bed. He wants nothing more than what they have even if it is flawed. Because the most enjoyable things in life are always the flawed ones. Perfection is boring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different Ways of Saying I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote some one shots after Necesito que confiar en alguien but never posted them on here. I have a couple of more, maybe I will edit them all and post here like I did with this one.
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://franzkafkaesque.tumblr.com)!

Leo and Cris are so different that it would be just plain stupid to believe they don't fight. They do, quite often actually. Most of their fights start due to their differences. Different opinions, different tastes in everything. Different personalities. And their reactions afterward is also different than one another. Leo doesn't talk after a fight. He is lying in his bed, wrapped in a blanket like a silkworm in its cocoon. Cris mostly spends time in the living room, drinking a glass of whisky maybe, throwing things at the wall if he is too angry. Watching Tv. That's all. Them being millionaire football superstars doesn't make their relationship any different than every other human being's.

Cris knows that Leo doesn't do this on purpose but seeing him so quiet and sad after every fight makes Cris nervous, he feels bad immediately even if he's sure that he was the right one. But he is too proud to say it out loud, especially if he belives he didn't do anything wrong. Feeling guilty and not being able to do anything about this only irritates him more. And in the end, he ends up fighting his own thoughts. Later anger vanishes late at night and Cris lays down on Leo's couch, staring at ceiling.

Cris doesn't like lying, not to himself. There were times he thought about ending this.. whatever it's between them. Because it's hard with Leo (not that he was expecting it to be any other way, he was not stupid but he actually believed that he could deal with it and now he is not so sure). But then he goes to Leo's bedroom to check on him and watches him lying on the king sized bed, sprawled out without a care (Leo moves a lot during his sleep) and fuck that. He looks so young, so innocent and so broken that Cris sits on the floor, next to Leo's side and.. he just sits there, doing nothing in particular. He thinks though. He thinks a lot. And then he realizes no matter what happens, there's nowhere, no place he'd rather be. Sitting on uncomfortable floor of his bedroom, next to Leo's bed. He wants nothing more than what they have even if it is flawed. Because the most enjoyable things in life are always the flawed ones. Perfection is boring.

 

 

His phone rings. It is almost morning, the sun rising slowly and Cris still lying on Leo's couch, staring at the ceiling. He didn't go to Leo's room tonight. He had so much to think about and the truth is, he is not even angry. His anger vanished right after Leo left the room. Cris wanted him to come back so badly but a part of him was happy that Leo left him alone. But now that he thought about everything over and over again, he is just lying there without actually thinking about anything in particular. He knows he needs to talk to Leo. He feels sick for wishing him to stay in his room, stay away from Cris. At some point, Cris thought about leaving Leo's house quietly, without saying anything. Just walking out of his life. But where would he go? Everytime he runs away from something (club dramas, injuries..) he always goes to Leo. Leo is his anchor, keeping his feet on the ground, keeping his chin up, eyes and brain focused. Leo is his compass, showing him the way when Cris gets lost. What kind of idiot would want to lose someone like him?

Cris checks the caller ID and groans. It is too early for this. But he answers the phone anyway.

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!” Cris hears Sergio's happy voice before he can say a proper 'hello' or 'good morning'.

“Fuck, Sese, did you call Cris? I told you it's too early!” Cris hears Iker's voice in the background and he wants to laugh. It is always so easy with Iker and Sergio. Cris sighs. He wishes it would be like that with Leo, too.

“What do you want, Sergio?” He tries to sound annoyed even though he is not.

“Stop being mean to me!” Sergio says loudly. Cris hears Iker saying something else but can't figure out what he just said. “I was going to invite you to breakfast but you don't deserve it anymore.” Cris bites his lower lip, thinks about lying first but changes his mind quickly.

“I am actually with Leo.” There is a deep silence that almost makes Cris flinch. Almost.

“Umm.. who is Leo?” Sergio asks confusedly, putting the phone on speaker. Iker, who is cutting a cucumber, mentally facepalms. He loves Sergio but sometimes he is just too slow.

“The one who makes you look like a fool on the pitch.” Cris says, grinning to himself.

“Wow, that's rude, man.” Sergio says annoyedly. “If it was not for me, the amount of goals you scored wouldn mean nothing, you know.”

“I am sorry, what am I doing then?” Iker says, lifting his brows half jokingly. Sergio smiles sweetly, reaching forward to caress the skin of Iker's arm.

“Darling, it's a team work. We are like Bonnie and Clyde.”

“That doesn't make sense.” Cris says flatly. Sergio rolls eyes even though Cris can't see him and changes the subject.

“So what? Are you making sure he won't be able to play the next El Clásico? It worked out very good last time. I am surprised that Rayo didn't send you any flowers.”

“Shut up, Sese.” Iker says annoyedly. He knows it is important to Cris and they all should respect him.

“Why am I still talking to you?” Cris asks.

“Because you need relationship advices and I don't blame you, like, I don't know him that well but Leo is so fucking weird like-- Ouch!” Sergio doesn't see Iker approaching him until he punches his arm. Hard. “What was that for?!”

“For being rude to a colleague and most importantly, talking shit about your friend's boyfriend.”

“Well, okay, okay, sorry Cris.” Iker goes back to cutting tomatoes and cucumbers. “But wait, you are not having breakfast I suppose. And obviously you are not having morning sex so what do you and your boyfriend do exactly? Polishing your BdOs? I mean, why would you play with each other's balls while you can play with golden ones?” Cris groans. Sergio loves making golden 'ball' jokes which is lame but Sergio disagrees.

“I don't want to talk to you anymore.” Cris says. And next thing Sergio says really touches Cris because a) Sergio is not serious, not often b) his voice is so soft and caring that Cris suddenly feels so shit.

“Talk to him, Cris, if you are having a problem, tell him. Don't lose what you have and.. umm.. okay, this is awkward. Bye.”

Line goes dead before Cris could answer. It is good though, Cris doesn't know what to say anyway.

 

 

Cris goes to kitchen later because he needs his morning coffee. He doesn't drink too much coffee, he is not obsessed with his 'morning coffee' unlike many people who have to deal with tiredness and daily life stress of modern society. But this morning, he needs it. When he enters the kitchen, he sees Leo standing in the middle of the room, watching coffee maker with a blank expression. Cris clears his throat. Leo turns toward him slowly, so slowly, like he is still dreaming.

“Good morning.” Cris says carefully. He doesn't know what kind of mood Leo is in today so he decides to be more careful.

“Good morning.” Leo mumbles, running a hand through his already messy hair. Silence falls over them for a good 5 minutes, until Cris speaks again.

“We need to talk.” He says as Leo fills their mugs with black coffee. Leo doesn't turn his head but watches Cris out of the corner of his eye.

“About what?” He asks casually.

“You know-” Suddenly Leo stops him, putting pot in its place, finally turning toward Cris.

“If it is about the fight last night, then I am s-”

“No, no.” Cris says quickly. “It's about us.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Leo says with a blank expression. Then he turns his gaze away from the Portuguese man, looking at his feet. “I mean, I understand if you do. I am not--”

“No!” Cris says immediately. His eyes go wide. “Why would I do that?” Leo shrugs, not meeting with Cris' gaze. Cris sighs and runs a hand through his hair. This is not going as he planned.

“Look, I just need to talk about us and everything. I think we, our relationship, really need this.” Leo doesn't say anything but nods. Cris takes a deep breath, this is better than nothing.

 

 

When they are settled in Leo's living room, they don't talk about their fight like Cris said. Actually they don't talk at all. They just sit there with their mugs in hands. Leo looks anywhere but him and Cris wonders if he is making Leo nervous.

“What are we doing?” Cris says finally. Leo lifts his mug without looking at him. His eyes still focused on the same spot in the carpet.

“Drinking coffee.” Cris groans loudly.

“Come on, Leo! Help me here, 'kay?”

“What do you want me to say, Cris?” Leo says almost boredly and Cris takes another deep breath through his nose to stay calm and not yell at him again. No, no fighting this time. They are going to talk like 2 adults.

“I don't know, Leo. Say something, anything. Just talk to me.” Cris finally lets it go. He doesn't need to pretend when he is with Leo. “I need you to talk to me. I need you.” Leo finally looks at him and Cris is surprised to see so much pain in these normally soft and warm brown eyes.

“And I can't.” Leo says painfully. “I know what you think. I can't give you what you need.” He buries his face in his hands, shaking softly. Cris, not expecting Leo to react like this, so he watches the man he loves dumbly. Maybe he should tell Leo that he is being an idiot and that it's not true. Leo is all he needs and Leo doesn't need to give him anything more because this is enough already. But he can't. He watches Leo reach his mug and takes a big sip of his coffee. Eyes once again focused on the carpet. It's a handmade Turkish rug, looks very expensive and Cris sure Leo didn't buy it but someone else did it for him.

“You know, we are nothing perfect.” He finally says. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Individually, we might be flawless but together.. we are just broken.” Because that's true. Separately, they are Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. They are world wide famous footballers with too many admirers. They insipire people, encouraging them by only existing. In front of cameras, they stand tall, Leo is the master of dodging unwanted questions and Cristiano is a natural born charmer. Leo is too careless to get hurt and Cristiano is too proud and arrogant to listen. But here, together, they are just two men with a past that filled with sadness and broken hearts. Nothing came easy after all.

“We are nothing alike.” Leo agrees with him. Their eyes don't meet with each other, their gazes focused on the coffee table. Leo's knuckles turn white due to gripping his mug tightly.

“But you know,” Cris turns to him now, looking at him with those dark chocolate eyes. His eyes are always daring, challenging, when you look into them, you can see that he is very confident that at some point that would considered as arrogance. But Leo doesn't mind it. He didn't even before they became friends.. and more. Now, however, his eyes are soft and filled with sadness, love, longing and something else that Leo cannot tell. “I love this. I love this about us. Not being similar, I mean. We are so different that and I-- Damn, wouldn't it be boring if we were just a carbon copy of each other? Imagine what would we do if you had my ego!” Leo laughs softly at his attempt at making a joke. Eyes stay on his hands though. Cris leans forward, taking Argentine's hand in his. “Tell me you love it, too.” Cris' eyes soften, almost like he is embarrassed. But Cris doesn't get embarrassed, not easily. “Tell me you love me.”

Leo's lashes fluttered against his cheek, he looks at the space between them where their hands are connected.

“You know I do.”

“Yeah. But I need to hear you say it.” Leo opens his mouth to say something but Cris raises his hand to silence him. “No, it's not like I am forcing you or anything. I just-- I really need to hear it.”

Because Leo doesn't tell him, he  _shows_ him. Cris knows it hard for Leo, he has never been good at showing his true feelings but he tries for Cris and it means a lot. But since El Clásico, when Leo mouthed him he loves him, Cris is dying to hear him saying it, from his voice. Maybe it is selfish but he can't help it.

“I am sorry.” Leo says in the end. “For making you feel like I don't love you. I just--” Leo looks around the room like he is seeking for an exit or some help. Like some magical words will appear on the walls. It doesn't.

“I am always alone, I mean, living alone.” Leo says and Cris can't help but frown a bit. Because he is confused, the way this conversation going is nothing like he expected but again, it's Leo. Still Cris doesn't understand why Leo telling him this or what this is supposed to mean to him. “So I am not used to wake up next to someone. But you and-- I just-- It is easy to get used to waking up next to you. So sometimes I wake up not knowing where I am or did I imagine everything that happened between us. When you are not here with me. And sometimes I wake up alone and those times I like to get up and stare out of the window, to see if it rained or will it be a sunny day. Then I feel less lonely. I know it sounds cheesy and maybe stupid but.. I love mornings. New beginnings and shit, you know.” Now he is just rambling. “Summer is always rushed, Autumn means loneliness to me and Winter is just vulnerable. But Spring is-- It represents new beginnings.” A second of silence. “Did you know that about me? It is my favorite season.” Cris doesn't know what he is supposed to say. No, he didn't know that. And he feels uncomfortable, thinking what it tells about them and their relationship.

“I know you think that I don't care but that's not true. I just-- I don't even know how to explain this to you but I have my own little world in my head. It is an old habit of mine. When I was a child, I had to keep going even when it was so hard. I was so focused on football because I didn't want to think about anything else. Not those kids who bullied me or how I was so little and awkward that no one wanted to be my friend until they saw me play football or my illness. I only wanted to focus on one thing that I am good at. And this way, I isolated myself from the world I think. Now that everything changed in a better way, I have to keep remind myself to take a minute and look at the world. Look around myself. This is why people think I am cold and distant, that's why they say I am too humble to care about fame or money or all those people who throwing themselves at me. It is just who I am and how I used to be. There is more than humility. I don't see them most of time.” Leo finally lifts his head to look at Cris, who is shocked by Leo's honesty. Leo would rarely speak about his life or his feelings and he would never talk too much but now he is giving everything to Cris and.. it means a lot to Cris. His eyes are wide open and shining with too many emotions. Leo smiles softly but it doesn't reach his eyes. “But I do see you. I do care about you and.. I don't know, Cris. You know I am not good with words or my feelings. I just want you by my side and when you are not here.. I miss you.”

Simple. His words are simple, nothing fancy like in movies. But Cris wouldn't have it any other way. He loves this Leo. This little Argentine who gets nervous when he needs to speak about himself, who doesn't make long and emotional speeches (well, not often), who doesn't like fake and fancy things. Leo is simple and in a world like theirs, this is the most beautiful thing about him. He is still pure. He is still Leo.  _Lionel Messi_ is just a mask, a self defense mechanism, an alter ego. Because this is what people like Leo do. They have to protect themselves. Cris embraced the change. Going from no one to a superstar was a huge deal and if Cris changed (he thinks he did), then it was understandable. Like Péle, Maradona and many other footballers, Cris wanted to run away from his past at some point of his life. But Leo, that little skinny kid from Rosario, had to remind himself everyday who he is and where he came from. Because Leo grew up with thinking that if he changes, he will lose everything he kept close to his heart from his childhood. This is why it is almost impossible to imagine him getting old. He is still an innocent child at heart. And he always will be.

And Cris loves him.

This is his way of saying 'I love you'. And fuck all those movies and books. Cris doesn't need to hear these 3 words. What Leo just told him was 10 times better than a simple 'I love you'.

No, Cris doesn't need Leo to say 'I love you'. Because these 3 words lost their meaning long time ago. Why are people so obsessed with something that thrown around so carelessly anyway? Cris didn't think about it until now. But now he understands. He understands how Leo's heart and brain work and God, Cris loves it. Because outside, everyone would think that Leo is so simple, almost boring. But when you get to know him, you know how complicated and exciting he is. And Cris may be able to say 'I love you' but he could never say those things Leo just told him and guess what, this means more than a fucking 'I love you'.

Cris realizes that he didn't say anything in return and that Leo is looking at him worriedly. So he smiles and Leo smiles, too. Uncertainly but still smiles. Cris lifts his left hand, cupping the right side of Leo's face and pulling him closer until their foreheads touching. He directly looks into Leo's eyes.

“I wish I could tell you more than a simple 'I love you' but when it comes to my love for you, words are not enough. Words are hopeless, powerless to tell how much I love you. But my mother always says that eyes can speak their own words and only eyes can truly tell the amount of love we feel.” Cris smiles at Leo's expression, shocked, obviously touched by Cris' words. “This is why I couldn't let you go before. How can I hide these feelings?”

“Cris, I--” But Cris shushes him.

“Maybe fate has crossed our ways, I don't care. And I don't know why you struggle too much to express your feelings, I can feel that it is much more than something from your childhood. Maybe someone broke your heart. Maybe you haven't been completely happy. Didn't you love anyone before? Maybe you waited for me. I don't know. But it's okay. Because as I said, I understand everything better now and I don't need words. Forget what I said before. I look into your eyes and I see it. It is faint and well hidden but I can still see it there. I know my feelings are mutual and that's enough for me.” He leans closer, their lips are almost touching now and Leo closes his eyes slowly. Cris smiles softly. “It doesn't matter. Words are useless when it comes to love anyway.”

Then he closes the small gap between their mouths and Leo almost groans, burying his hands in Cris' hair, pulling him closer almost desperately. And Cris doesn't need anything else. As long as Leo is close to him like this, the rest is not important.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> By the way, what do you think? Should I post other one shots too or should I stop messing with Necesito que confiar en alguien? Normally I hate writing finished stories but I really love necesito que confiar en alguien.


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